Allow yourself to fall freely, ignoring the unnatural, just you and nature. Let the wind take in your silence;
bathe in its whispers. The gentle breeze is the slow breaths of its body. Think beyond the senses; don’t stare at the
stars; feel them, dance in their gaze. The trees create symphonies in their wake; the tranquil blue of the night sky
caresses the land. Your body sets in, loosens the clench of your fist, the wrinkle of your brows, the tension in your
legs. You and nature are taking the same breaths until you spot a flicker. A small yellow light going on and off,
fluttering about to disturb your peace. A firefly. Your body tenses back up, the clench of your fist stronger, the
wrinkle in your brow larger, you’re afraid. Now, the only sound you can hear is the soft buzzing of its wings; you track
its movements, hyper-fixated on the moment it will disappear so you can breathe again, so I can breathe again.
I’m sitting on a bench, it’s late at night, quiet, you can hear a pin drop in that silence. I’m having my daily
mental recuperation where nature and me become one for even just 5 minutes. I breathe to match the pace of the
wind, it helps my body to relax in the beauty of my surroundings. Today was long, each breath taken letting go of a
different challenge I faced. Breath one: the people talking over me, breath two: getting lost, breath 3: missing lunch
because I was helping my roommate when she got locked out. All the downs of my day disappear in the breeze with
each breath. Before I am ready to close my eyes, I release a soft “Thank you,” to nature. As I start to close my eyes I
see a small flicker, fear jolts through my body, I stiffen, I begin to follow the small flicker as it floats around, it’s a
firefly. My body remains stiff; it’s the first time I’ve even seen a firefly and I hate it. I can’t relax in its presence. I can’t
immerse myself in the virtue of nature while the firefly flutters about. Each flap throws me into the future. Flap one:
presentations tomorrow, flap two: what if I stutter, flap 3: people will be watching. I become tongue tied, no words
can leave my throat, they all clog, it becomes hard to breathe. I can’t focus, my eyes dart about trying to ignore the
small yellow light that haunts my peace. I feel its tiny eyes judging me, its little mouth laughing at my struggle. I close
my eyes, a feeble attempt to ignore the small menace plaguing my relaxation. The firefly shifts its body in the sky, I’m
immobilized. One bug felt like an entire audience. As I realize the firefly doesn’t want to leave I begin to take in the
fear it gave me in breaths. Breath 1: it’s only 5 minutes, breath 2: just keep going through the hiccups, breath 3:
they’re only there to help.
As the days pass I realize, the firefly never wanted to hurt me, it was just different and once you learn to
accept it you can breathe with nature again as one. Its judgment was an idea I fed myself, it never said anything bad
about me. Even when I was younger I have always looked to the sky for comfort day or night. For me the silence of
the stars that just sat there with me or the clouds I watched slowly shift across the sky were perfect but the bug that
randomly appeared throughout my gazing made nature uncomfortable. Everytime I see a bug or have to do a
presentation I still flood with anxiety but as I allow the bugs wings to become part of nature’s symphony, I can
breathe a little lighter.
The firefly is still scary, its laughter still plagues my mind but it won’t stop me from regaining my peace. Now
in its presence, I shift my body readjusting to new forms of comfort, treating fear as my biggest supporter. There will
always be things that scare you but if you don’t try to overcome them you may miss out on the best things in your
life.
