“You’re far too overdramatic; you’re just feeling a big emotion; it too shall pass.” All of these are things often said to me when I’m in unbearable distress. Upon reflection, this is a common box uneducated people toss girls and frankly, it’s easier to ignore than to console them and put all the pieces together for them. In a world where women are already dismissed and labeled as overdramatic, it can be a feat to justify one’s emotions.
Turns out, I am not a teenage girl with crippling hysteria. What I have is hypersensitivity, a personality trait that is common in integration disorder (a disorder regarding the “integration” of information, preventing people from digesting information easily) and it’s actually quite common, as it is seen in people without disorders as it is simply a personality trait. It’s been proven that fifteen to twenty percent of the population is highly sensitive. Even so, it’s not commonly accepted or recognized in today’s climate. It definitely needs more recognition, so that’s why you’re reading this.
As an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), I have often ended up in a caretaking role, and such caretaking behavior can be abused by those around you. HSPs tend to find ourselves in these situations because of our ability to both notice and care about people’s emotions due to our hypersensitivity, as it also makes us respond more to social stimuli. Because of this, the people around you can grow accustomed to using you as a crutch and, if you don’t live up to those heightened expectations, you would be labeled as “too confusing.” Despite people’s ignorance, hypersensitivity is recognized as a symptom in the DSM-5 and is, therefore, a proven struggle. Even then, highly sensitive people are praised for their emotional grasp — commonly misconstrued as some sort of superhuman power.
I don’t disagree that being a highly sensitive person does have its perks, but you must really assess the world in which I was granted this “gift.” First-born daughter with mediator personality — put those together, add some marriage drama, and you have an uneducated, underage marriage counselor used as a messenger pigeon to save a marriage. To sum it up, it makes you feel unperceivable and almost like you know a person’s emotions better than they know themselves. The world in which I was given this “gift” turned it from that to a job.
For example, I have had numerous conversations with my mother and I feel the anger radiating off of her. It’s almost as if her anger was some psychedelic aura mood ring. So, in the warfare that is these kinds of conversations, I’ve usually said, “I’m seeing that you’re frustrated right now,” in the calmest manner that I could have possibly mustered. “I am not mad,” she lies. People are easy to read, which in some cases is quite helpful because sometimes, in the midst of a fight, you can just skip over the back and forth and get straight to “I’m hearing your feelings.” But other times, I’ve been stuck trying to prove to my own mother that she’s mad, and that she’s going to take it out on me in small, discrete ways that will hurt me more than if she just blew up in my face in the heat of the moment. It also is not helpful when you have someone with an ego and you now are having a full psychoanalysis debate between you and the other person.
In a domain that rarely supports women in the first place, it can be daunting to rectify one’s struggle. But it’s not just fights or emotionally charged times that hypersensitivity affects people. It’s always there, and you just navigate with it. You balance helping others, taking on their emotions, and juggling your own, a struggle you shouldn’t deal with because you were born one way or another.
We also experience a sense of self-awareness. According to studies conducted by Dr. Natalie Banek, a researcher at the Leibnitz University Hannover in Germany who blogs at SensitivityResearch.com, “Although between 20-30% of the general [German] population is highly sensitive, many of them only find out over time that their behavior and experiences can be explained by sensitivity.” This means that self-aware people reach a point of understanding where they realize they feel things more deeply than others around them. The main point is that people who suffer from hypersensitivity disorder are used and abused in the world while also being critical of themselves, a dangerous mix.
Dr. Natalie Banek found that hypersensitivity comes with many struggles, including chronic fatigue, difficulties with decision-making, lack of career prospects, and the fear of being too sensitive or being perceived negatively. A peer of mine, who is also a highly sensitive person, reports finding herself giving people the benefit of the doubt, even when they do not deserve her mental energy. She also attests to being physically and mentally drained, with brain fog being a constant.
In conclusion, hypersensitivity is a superpower, yes, but it does have its negative side effects . It is typical human behavior (especially as a woman) to want to be a kind and caring person — that’s humanity. But there’s a fine line between sacrificing your own well-being for someone else’s and having figurative energy vampires latching themselves onto you. So remember, 15-20% of the American population have some form of hypersensitivity, according to Psychology Today, a newsletter dedicated to psychology. Things that are simply bothersome to some could feel all-consuming to a highly sensitive person. Keep in mind that the invalidation of another person’s feelings is not productive or progressive so remember to respect other people’s feelings even if they don’t see eye to eye.
“Free Personality Test.” 16Personalities, www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test. Accessed 25 Feb. 2025.
“The Self-Awareness of High Sensitivity.” Sensitivity Research, 20 Apr. 2023, sensitivityresearch.com/the-self-awareness-of-high-sensitivity/.
“Highly Sensitive Person.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/highly-sensitive-person. Accessed 25 Feb. 2025.
“A Critical Analysis of the Highly Sensitive Person Construct.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-becoming-a-psychologist/202412/a-critical-analysis-of-the-highly-sensitive. Accessed 25 Feb. 2025.
